“Do not trust a person who says Trust Me.”
Acclaimed poet Jayant Mohapatra said these words when he visited my college back in 2013. I was a novice media professional then and had a different kind of attitude, typical of people in their early years. I made it a point to remember this one particular line the man said.
Of course, you can debate endlessly on whether you should trust someone who says “trust me.” All of us have used these two words many times in our lives. We are so sure of the validity of our experiences that we not just make it the base of our lives but also close our minds to other possibilities. I think, that is what Mohapatra meant when he said the above.
Think about it. We say “Trust Me” when we are absolutely sure of what we are saying, of the experiences we are narrating and the implications of those experiences on us and our lives. More often than not, we forget that each human being has a different way of living, a different view on life, a set of varied experiences and no two human beings, even identical twins, can ever be alike. And this increases as one ages. We discard other viewpoints and try to find faults in new ways of thinking. We are reluctant to mess with the established order. That is why, the student in class who asks a lot of questions is always irritating to not just the teachers, but other students too.
I am in mid-20s now. And as per the current crop of thinking patterns, I am “way too old” for a lot of stuff. Many of my friends blatantly say that “we are ageing.” Really? Isn’t that something our parents said when they entered their 40s?
Nevertheless, I feel, the best thing about being 25 is that you let many of your pre-conceived notions fall to the ground. You know that life is hardly steady. And if you are to survive, you will have to make some sense of what’s happening around you and adjust. As jobs are changing and shifting in a very dramatic way, almost destroying the earlier forms of recruitment and permanency, there seems to be a kind of chaos everywhere. Parents spent thousands over engineering coaching only to find their child struggling to make ends meet in an IT company (regardless of the stream s/he chose) and now, looking over the clouds of lay-offs. Many find it surprising to see Liberal Arts and Humanities taking precedence. Writers have become a “hot property”, though still not paid well.
So, when someone said “Trust me, engineering will make you rich!” a decade ago, s/he was looking, not at the future of jobs in the day of internet, but at what the present situation of MNC mushrooming in every metro city offered. Situation changed, though. And now, the same advice did not save a certain person trying to manage his/her family’s finances.
Change is hard. And maybe, that’s why one should refrain from saying, “Trust Me.” Yes, we can trust you. But, we cannot trust time. And no matter how much you lay claim to hereditary influences shaping your personality, circumstances hold the most power in every decision you take. And circumstances change in the blink of an eye.
Viewpoints also vary all our lives. The guy friends of mine who screamed “Friend-zone” their entire adolescence, now put up status updates comparing this term to the tendency of crying wolf when a girl rejects them. They now understand that a person’s worth is not to be measured by how much s/he is desired or obsessed over, but how far you go for what you want or deal with what you are thrown to. This favourite term of most guys is now termed a word for “immature, hormone-driven boys” who have nothing better to do than chase someone who doesn’t give a damn about their existence. I remember being lectured over and over for this and blamed for being a Feminist – the very term which goes completely in opposition to Friend-zone.
Who asked you to be in the zone, man? Put on Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance and scream – “I don’t wanna be friends.”
I am not friends anymore with the friends I fell for. If I do, I put myself in that zone. No one can hurt you without your permission, right?
When I pointed out to that friend of mine how he used to be in support of the “Painful Friend-zone tyranny”, he retorted with two-three replies on Facebook to that comment in his defence. I said nothing further. That comment got more likes than his status. It is hard to accept your naiveté when you grow up, no?
The guy I fell for used to make fun of guys who would get “Friend-zoned” and mock them everywhere. I wonder how he did not feel he was friend-zoning me when he demanded that I leave since he has a beautiful college junior to give his time to.
If friend-zone is about conveniently using your friend for your gains but not loving them back and instead abandoning them or being inhuman to them, I am its biggest victim. Not once did I tell him he friend-zoned me. I wonder what he’d done had I done the same to him.
There are privileges associated with being a man.
Posting status updates on depression, claiming to be “respectful of women” is easy. So is claiming to be a feminist. But if your words are not followed by actions, you come across as a snob.
The guy I fell for pledges his support to Deepika Padukone’s depression campaign. But, when I talked about my depression to him, I was nothing more than a “nautanki”. Too bad, some people process their pain by inflicting more pain on other people than improving themselves. And so, they don’t understand the difference between depression and drama.
But, unfortunately, time changes everything. When the same guy told me – “Regardless of whatever happens, we will always be friends,” my friend said, “Yeah, right. Everyone says that. But, it never happens.” Damn right. Didn’t happen.
There’s this Hindi song from the movie Waqt (1965). My mom used to repeat a line from one of its songs sometimes – “Aadmi ko Chahiye Waqt se Dar kar Rahe/ Kaun Jane Kis Ghadi Waqt ka Badle Mizaz.” (Keep the fear of time in your minds. You never know when it decides to change).
Live in the moment, that’s all you got. And, try not to say “Trust me.” You will change with time and you can’t trust time. It is the biggest Fuckboy, ever.